The Son, The Parents, Juvenile Hall and Emotions

I recently met "Lisa" and she told me about her 19-year-old son, "Marc." 

As a child, he was sweet and sensitive, but once he hit his teen years, he was sarcastic and mean with little regard for others.  He thought nothing of disrespecting his parents, calling them cruel names and disregarding their rules.  Once a good student, he was causing trouble at school and was often sent to the principal's and counselor's office.

The parents did not know what to do.  They sought advice from the school counselor, went to family therapy, sent their son to a therapist, but nothing improved.   

They stopped taking him to family events as they never knew what would trigger his anger or how rudely he would treat others.  Family members asked about him but the parents always covered for him, saying he was busy with school or activities.  They did the same thing with their friends and that further isolated them.  They were living with tremendous stress in the household - they had no support and no safety net. 

When Marc was 15, Lisa was doing Spring cleaning and opened discovered a large bag with prescription bottles with various people’s names on them.  This was something they could not ignore and, heartbroken and feeling as they were falling off a cliff, they called the police.

Their son was in a ring of kids who were stealing drugs from their family medicine chests and if visiting extended family or other kids, they'd steal from those people, too.  Marc and his friends were sentenced to Juvenile Hall.  Had he done this as an adult, who knows how long he'd be in prison? 

When he was in Juvenile Hall, he was mandated to attend ongoing therapy and a drug rehab program.  Marc's parents visited regularly and were shocked to learn this was the first extended period of time since he was 11 that he was not high. 

I asked how they felt when he was sentenced and living in another place, how did they cope? 

Lisa said it was devastating and a relief at the same time.  When they had this beautiful, smart, funny and affectionate child, they never could have predicted the terrible turn his life and their life had taken.  Their family dream included family vacations, enjoying viewing his activities at school, and frankly, bragging about their wonderful son. 

Once they started their nightmare with him, all of those dreams had to be shelved and to make things worse, they were afraid of him.  Each day they wondered what would he do next: break things in the house?  Would he harm them emotionally or physically? 

When he was out of the house, they found themselves mourning his loss and the loss of their dreams while feeling relief that the stress and worry of living with him was relieved.  They went to marriage and family counseling and Al Anon meetings to learn what they did to enable him and how to change their own behaviors.  They also shared their story with select family and friends, finding love, support and understanding.  It has made them stronger as a couple and their relationship with their son is mended. 

While Lisa still resents the lost time and hurt her son caused, she and her husband are learning to move forward.   

Marc is in a vocational school, living on his own and working to support himself.

Marcia Stein, PHR is the author of Strained Relations:  Help for Struggling Parents of Troubled Teens.

What is truancy and what are the penalties?

How do the schools define truancy and what are the penalties? A link on the California Department of Education site provides a thorough explanation. http://www.cde.ca.gov/ls/ai/tr/ I’ll provide summaries and quotes, and you can go to the site for additional information. I was surprised to learn all of the ramifications and penalties for truancy.

Definition of a Truant

If your child misses more than 30 minutes of instruction without an excuse three times during the school year he/she must be classified as a truant and reported to the proper school authority.

First Notification Mandate

In addition to the reporting requirement, the school district must notify the parent or guardian by first-class mail or other reasonable means, and must include specific information related to the unexcused absences and notes that the parent or guardian must require the child to attend school. The parent or guardian has the right to meet with school personnel to discuss the issue.
Pupils may be subject to prosecution, suspension, restriction, or delay of the pupil's driving privilege. It is also recommended the parent or guardian accompany the pupil to school and attend classes with the pupil for one day.

Habitual Truant Mandate

According to the law, once “a student has been reported as a truant three or more times in one school year and after an appropriate school employee has made a conscientious effort to hold at least one meeting with the parent and the student, the student is deemed a habitual truant. The intent is to provide solutions for students who failed to respond to the normal avenues of school intervention.”

Interventions

If your child “… is a habitual truant, or is irregular in attendance at school, or is habitually insubordinate or disorderly during school, the student may be referred to a school attendance review board (SARB) or to the county probation department…. The student may also be referred to a probation officer or district attorney mediation program…. The intent of these laws is to provide intensive guidance to meet the special needs of students with school attendance problems or school behavior problems…. These interventions are designed to divert students with serious attendance and behavioral problems from the juvenile justice system and to reduce the number of students who drop out of school.”

Penalties (Student)

“The law provides schools and school districts with discretion regarding student penalties for truancy as long as they are consistent with state law. The penalties for truancy for students … become progressively severe from the first the time a truancy report is required through the fourth time a truancy report is required.”

The first time a student is truant, a written warning may be issued by a peace officer. A record of the warning may be kept at the school for a minimum of 2 years or until the student graduates or transfers from that school. If the student transfers, the record may be forwarded to the new school or any school receiving the school records. A record may be kept by the law enforcement agency.

The second time a truancy report is required within the same school year, the school may assign the student to an after school or weekend study program located within the same county as the pupil's school.

“The third time a truancy report is required within the same school year, the student is classified a habitual truant and may be referred to and required to attend, an attendance review board or a truancy mediation program.”

If truancy is reported a fourth time within the same school year, the student is then within the jurisdiction of the juvenile court and they may determine the pupil to be a ward of the court.

If your child becomes a ward of the juvenile court, he or she will be required to do one or more of the following:

“(1) Performance at court-approved community services sponsored by either a public or private nonprofit agency for not less than 20 hours but not more than 40 hours over a period not to exceed 90 days, during a time other than the pupil's hours of school attendance or employment. The probation officer shall report to the court the failure to comply with this paragraph.
(2) Payment of a fine by the pupil of not more than one hundred dollars ($100) for which a parent or guardian of the pupil may be jointly liable.
(3) Attendance of a court-approved truancy prevention program.
(4) Suspension or revocation of driving privileges pursuant to Section 13202.7 of the Vehicle Code. This subdivision shall apply only to a pupil who has attended a school attendance review board program, or a truancy mediation program pursuant to subdivision (c).”

Penalties (Parent)

"Penalties against parents apply when any parent, guardian, or other person having control or charge of any student fails to compel the student to attend school.” Penalties are:

“ (1) Upon a first conviction, by a fine of not more than one hundred dollars ($100).
(2) Upon a second conviction, by a fine of not more than two hundred fifty dollars ($250).
(3) Upon a third or subsequent conviction, if the person has willfully refused to comply with this section, by a fine of not more than five hundred dollars ($500). In lieu of the fines prescribed in paragraphs (1), (2), and (3), the court may order the person to be placed in a parent education and counseling program.”
“… A judgment granting a defendant time to pay the fine or prescribing the days of attendance in a program shall order that if the defendant fails to pay the fine, or any installment thereof, on the date it is due, he or she shall appear in court on that date for further proceedings. Willful violation of this order is punishable as contempt.” In this case, you may be charged a fine of up to $1,000. If you are in contempt under the law, you may be imprisoned.

Part 2: Troubled Teen and Truancy

My previous post reviewed a situation with a woman's son. He's 15, had been running away from home, absent for up to 14 days at a time.

She contacted the school, let them know about the situation and asked for advice. Here are a series of edited emails so you can view how the schools approach truancy and what steps parents should take to protect themselves. Please note this is in California and terminology may be different if you're in another location. Terms of note include:

SARB = School Attendance Review Board
SRO = School Resource Officer

"From: [Mom]
Sent: Thursday, May 06, 2010 9:45 AM
To: [xxx High School]
Subject: URGENT - my son

Hi [Vice Principal at High School],

We have not seen [my son] (nor have we heard from him), since last Fri April 30th... we have reported him missing/runaway.

I understand [my son] was at school yesterday Wed May 5th.

I have left a msg at the school office, that if there is any sign of [my son] at school today/Thur, I would like to be contacted ASAP -- as I am trying to have SRO's come talk to him ("if the stars line up right" - kind of a miracle if it happens, which I'm literally praying for!)

The other part of this is that after my meeting this morning, I would like to come to the high school close to 1:00-ish pm today/Thur to see if he is around, and maybe talk with you if you're available.

Thank you very much - each one of you!!
====
From: [SRO]
To: [Mom]; and [Vice Principal High School]
Sent: Thu, May 6, 2010 1:02:31 PM
Subject: RE: URGENT - [my son]

[Mom],

Thank you for the heads up.

Should [your son] continue to have excessive tardies over 30 minutes or miss school with unexcused absences, you should encourage the SARB (School Attendance Review Board) as a means to protect you and your parental obligation and hold him accountable for the compulsory education law. If this does not occur by the end of the scheduled school year, you will be faced with having to start over next year as it is not a rolling discipline.

The SRO at your son's high school should be familiar with DA Lois Baer (408-792-2777) who reviews and determines the discipline sanctions for truants and willing runaway youth.

Best of luck,

[SRO]
===
From: [Mom]
Sent: Thursday, May 06, 2010 3:40 PM
To: [VP at high school]; and [school district administrator]

Subject: Re: URGENT - my son

Can you explain what [SRO] is describing (below) ... how does the SARB affect [my son / us]? I would like to understand more about this at your earliest convenience.

Appreciate all of your help,

[Mom]
===
From: [SRO - school resource officer]
To: [Mom]
Sent: Thu, May 6, 2010 5:42:43 PM

Subject: RE: URGENT - my son

The purpose of a SARB is to adhere to the Compulsory Education Law of California. Every child must attend school until the age of 18 or until receipt of their high school equivalency. Children not attending school is often a result of either of the two following things: 1) The parents are not taking responsibility for their child 2) The child is causing their own demise. The intention of the SARB is to identify which instance is occurring and follow that up with an appropriate sanction.

As we already spoke, [your son] is calling his own shots. A SARB would be directed at him, as you are fulfilling your obligations with the intention to get him to go to school.

From a school standpoint, this would be recorded permanently on his cumulative file. Should he transfer to a different school or seek a higher level of education in the future, this would reflect in any transcript documents.

From a criminal standpoint, this is a violation of the education code and he would likely be assigned an appropriate discipline by [DDA Lois Baer 408-792-2777]. This can include and is not limited to:
1) Civil fines and penalties (escalated by additional violations) on file as a lien against him
2) Community Service hours
3) Probation with terms "must be in school" (Violating this, he could be subject to arrest and placed in Juvenile Hall)
4) Revocation of license until 18 or 21
5) Incarceration at The Ranch monitored by Juvenile Hall
6) EMP (ankle monitoring)

If he is a VOLUNTARY RUNAWAY you are highly encouraged to contact the Police and file a report. You should also contact the school and notify them of his status. If the school reports his attendance as "present", a Police Officer must be called and he will be removed from the Missing Person's System immediately. The responding Officer will contact the parent or guardian to notify them that the juvenile has been located. It is that parent's responsibility to communicate to the Officer a desire to detain/release the juvenile. If detained, the Officer will hold the child for a reasonable amount of time for the parent to pick up their child. Should the child run away from home, even as early at that evening, a separate report will need to be generated with the same directions to follow. Officers CAN NOT decline a Missing Person's Report and it must be filed within 3 hours of taking the report.

By creating a paper trail, you are eliminating yourself from the liability of [your son's] actions. Imagine he is drunk, gets behind the wheel of a car and kills someone. You NEED to eliminate yourself from the liability he might cause by reporting his behavior. If he is willingly and knowingly missing school, then HE must suffer the consequences. If he is 18, you no longer assume the responsibility.

As we talked about before, you have resources: (in the Silicon Valley)
Bill Wilson House
Bill Wilson Counseling
Parent Project
Tough Love
Children's Protective Services (Children's Shelter is closed)
Alternate family members
Parents Helping Parents

Hope this helps,

[SRO]
===
From: [Mom]
Sent: Wednesday, May 12, 2010 9:57 PM
To: [High School administrators]

Subject: RE: URGENT - my son

I would appreciate it if [xxxx and xxxx] would review and comment on the email information (below), and let me know how to get the SARB (School Attendance Review Board) in place for [my son]. The information below was sent to me by a [School Resource Officer], who has been helping me understand police and school processes.

The last time we saw [my son] was Sat. May 8th. We have reported him "missing". He did leave a Mother's day card for me on my car on Mon May 10th. Yesterday, Tue May 11th, I checked out the program at the different high school in the district - unfortunately [my son] did not show up.

I look forward to hearing from you, on how to proceed.

Thank you,
[Mom]"

Part 1: Troubled Teen and Truancy

I met this very nice woman, a professional who lives near me, and she told me about problems with her son. Because she sent a lot of information, I’m going to share this story in a few entries. Here’s the background:

“Our son, aged 15, had been running away from home during the last three months of his sophomore year and through mid-summer, and would be missing for up to 14 days at a time. We had no idea where he was or who he was with, as he had started hanging out with kids who we knew nothing about. When he was at home, although I would drop him off at school each morning, we were notified by the school's automated attendance phone calls that he was skipping classes, and eventually missing days of school at a time. Many phone calls and meetings with teachers and school administrators became commonplace.

The only times he would come home was when police got involved and cited him for an offense like stealing, shoplifting, or being with someone who was cited for something. Other times, the school would call when he was suspended or there was a behavioral issue at school, which required us to pick him up and bring him home. Of course, he was not happy about having to come home (as it was not on his own terms).

Fortunately during this time, I started meeting School Resource Officers (SRO's) affiliated with his school, as well as with the city we live in. I kept hearing the police and the SRO's say, "you've got to start a paper trail, and report him as a runaway every time he does not return home when expected". "Because of all the classes he is missing, you need to have the school prepare an SARB before the school year ends."

One particular SRO was extremely helpful, and he patiently helped me understand school, police and legal issues. His knowledge of the school system and police policies were critical to understand, and I gladly share this information, so that other parents will understand that the paper trails and documentation are additional ways to protect parents from poor choices their child makes.”