Speaking at the library and a private event, I saw some people who had attended some of my other talks. Most of the participants were there due to pain and difficulties with their kids and they want help, they want to feel they are not alone, and several people expressed some interest in forming or having access to a support group. My purpose in speaking is to raise awareness, increase the dialog and, as any author, I want to sell my books.
I look at the statistics on my blog to see what’s of interest or what information you’re seeking. I look at the number of clicks on the pages and what topics have the most hits.
Learning about what’s important to you helps me determine what I’ll write about and what kind of guests I should approach to write for the blog. My 3 most viewed pages, other than the index page, are:
Did the Self Esteem Movement Create an Entitled Generation?
Parents Want to Return Adopted Child
My Book
Some of the most common topics people use in search engines to find the blog include the self esteem movement, family difficulties, difficult or troubled teens, adoption, and restraining orders.
The links people use from my blog also tell me something. I will interview or ask guests to write about restraining orders, the self-esteem movement, and then expand my resources page.
What’s of interest to you? What would help you? Can you help others? You can post a comment and let me know.
Showing posts with label entitled. Show all posts
Showing posts with label entitled. Show all posts
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Friday, December 4, 2009
Did the Self Esteem Movement Create an Entitled Generation?
I've mulled over a lot of things I've experienced as a parent and a lot of things I've read, and would honestly say that I did do some things well and there are some things that I would absolutely change.
I have some serious concerns about the self-esteem movement and what the effects are on our kids.
Self-esteem is the way you think about yourself and this impacts the way you feel. If you think you're a good painter, you feel good about that skill and your confidence. If you have a poor image of yourself and your abilities, it manifests in low self confidence and underachievement.
The self-esteem movement was a good idea run amok. The idea of encouraging children to think well of themselves sounds like a good idea, but, like many things in life, it has to be earned to be appreciated.
Our son "J" was born in 1988, and I took him to Mommy and Me and toddler classes. I guess others were reading books I hadn't read, but I remember the teacher and other moms saying "good job" whenever a child did anything. It didn't matter what the child did, but the rewarding phrase was said. Kid finishes a project, eats his food, plays a game: "Good job."
At home, if J picked up his toys, I said "thank you" or "that looks nice". I felt that if I said "good job" to everything, then when he'd really do a good job of something, then what would I say and how would I make that meaningful?
We noticed that when he participated in team sports, even if their team lost, everyone got ribbons and sometimes trophies. I guess the theory was that they wanted all the kids to feel like winners and therefore, it'd magically give them self-esteem and confidence, but I think that backfired.
If the ultimate goal of parenting is to raise a child who can operate in this world, overpraising for simply existing isn't going to help. After all, how many managers stand around waiting to tell people they did a good job? I can tell you from an HR perspective that some do but most expect you to do a good job, and if you do an extraordinary job, then maybe you'll be noticed. There are expectations that you'll perform as you should, that poor work will be adversely noted and good work will be rewarded.
Young people steeped in the self-esteem movement resent not being continually verbally rewarded and when they simply complete a project.
I believe that good self-esteem and confidence result from completing projects, overcoming obstacles, leaping over barriers to success. It can't come as a result of continuous praise from others: you have to know it, to feel that accomplishment.
What are your thoughts?
I have some serious concerns about the self-esteem movement and what the effects are on our kids.
Self-esteem is the way you think about yourself and this impacts the way you feel. If you think you're a good painter, you feel good about that skill and your confidence. If you have a poor image of yourself and your abilities, it manifests in low self confidence and underachievement.
The self-esteem movement was a good idea run amok. The idea of encouraging children to think well of themselves sounds like a good idea, but, like many things in life, it has to be earned to be appreciated.
Our son "J" was born in 1988, and I took him to Mommy and Me and toddler classes. I guess others were reading books I hadn't read, but I remember the teacher and other moms saying "good job" whenever a child did anything. It didn't matter what the child did, but the rewarding phrase was said. Kid finishes a project, eats his food, plays a game: "Good job."
At home, if J picked up his toys, I said "thank you" or "that looks nice". I felt that if I said "good job" to everything, then when he'd really do a good job of something, then what would I say and how would I make that meaningful?
We noticed that when he participated in team sports, even if their team lost, everyone got ribbons and sometimes trophies. I guess the theory was that they wanted all the kids to feel like winners and therefore, it'd magically give them self-esteem and confidence, but I think that backfired.
If the ultimate goal of parenting is to raise a child who can operate in this world, overpraising for simply existing isn't going to help. After all, how many managers stand around waiting to tell people they did a good job? I can tell you from an HR perspective that some do but most expect you to do a good job, and if you do an extraordinary job, then maybe you'll be noticed. There are expectations that you'll perform as you should, that poor work will be adversely noted and good work will be rewarded.
Young people steeped in the self-esteem movement resent not being continually verbally rewarded and when they simply complete a project.
I believe that good self-esteem and confidence result from completing projects, overcoming obstacles, leaping over barriers to success. It can't come as a result of continuous praise from others: you have to know it, to feel that accomplishment.
What are your thoughts?
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