Honestly, following the situation and my post about reuniting with my son after 6 years of estrangement, I needed to adjust to my new reality and figure out what would happen next.
During the last 4 years, I saw my son a few times over lunch and we'd have long conversations. I would drink in that time with him, catching up on his life, his interests, his opinions, and then not be in contact for months.
We went shopping for his birthday and it was fun doing something that's so normal for other people but we hadn't done this for around a decade. I was happy for this bit of normalcy.
He has not yet talked with my husband but I do have hope for the future.
I still walk on eggshells when we speak and I push some topics such as school loans although I'm sure he doesn't appreciate it. It's a gamble. His life is on track and he's in school and working, and because our cost of living is high here, and I've even suggested moving out of state to continue his schooling and live without some of the pressures he faces now. Those college loans will drag him down for years to come otherwise and I'd love to see him avoid some of that burden.
Meanwhile, I've read many posts on The Addict's Mom site and looked at posts on their Facebook page. They have a lot of great information and the tips on not being co-dependents are so important for people with these issues.
And I'm getting on with our lives with my own work (recruiting and training in Silicon Valley) and writing a new blog about planning for retirement.
Since you've found my blog, I hope my posts make you feel a little less alone and help you remember that life always goes on - sometimes in very different ways we imagined - but it does move forward. I hope you can move forward with it.
Marcia Stein, SPHR-CA, PHR is the author of Strained Relations: Help for Struggling Parents of Troubled Teens
