I sent out a request to hear from parents who had gotten a restraining order against their child. I received the follow message and I have changed the name of the son.
"Here’s what happened that led up to getting a restraining order last year against my then 20 year old son, “Rick”.
Since he was 14 or so we knew he was drinking and smoking and doing drugs. He had problems already and the drugs and everything made the situation much worse. We took him to therapy and wanted to send him to a therapeutic boarding school but couldn’t afford it. Our part of the country doesn’t have much to offer as far as family help.
He was stealing from us and I mean he took from our wallets, stole the change bottle, took some of my jewelry and sold it. We didn’t know what would happen next. He had took $1,000 or more and that’s just a guess.
My husband bought a safe and we put our wallets and any items of value that we could fit in there. It was ridiculous to have to remember to get your wallet before you go out the door, but at least we knew where our money was.
I heard therapists telling us that we were part of the problem, but I was viewing it that this kid was the problem and we were just good parents who wanted to see him outgrow this and still be in a safe environment. I was scared that if we kicked him out of our house that he might live in the streets or even die. I also felt that we would be branded as horrible parents once he was out, but till then it was our dirty family secret all of the tings that went on at home.
All through his teen years he would be very disrespectful to us and would call us terrible names and if we tried to talk to him, he would yell at us or stomp to his room. Once at his room he might put a hole in the wall or throw a chair. I was afraid of him and afraid to be alone with him.
The last day he was at home, I asked him if he had seen a box I knew had been delivered for my birthday. It was a present from my mom and she sent very expensive things. He said it hadn’t come but the UPS tracker said it had. He went to his room and I started looking through the trash. That’s the thing: he lied and stole and was never good at hiding his tracks.
I found the box and the packing slip said there was jewelry enclosed. I was furious and had really had enough. I called my husband and he came home early.
We confronted Rick and he took his almost full can of soda and threw it at me and then he hit me, punched me hard in my cheek. I was in a lot of pain and just knocked to the floor from that punch. My husband and Rick started pushing each other. Finally Rick was pushed out the door and my husband locked it. Rick was banging on the door and threatening us.
My husband called the police and they came out to talk with us. They were really fast, but the few minutes until they got here were terrifying. I didn’t know what Rick would do and was scared my husband would have a heart attack.
The police said we should file a restraining order. Because there was still time that day, we went to the court and filed the papers. The papers weren’t difficult, but the emotions that went into that day were horrible. We were granted the order and had Rick served. He has to stay away from our home and not contact us, but we could call him if we want to.
We got all new locks and increased our security. We don’t ever park our cars outside and I worry about running into him somewhere. I've seen some of his friends and hear he's out there wasting his life and staying in seedy places. I hate being afraid to run into him.
I am sad, angry, depressed and ashamed and even though I want to talk with him it’s very dangerous. I think one of the worst parts is that when you have this child and you love him, you have a dream about what your life will be and now that dream is blown apart. It won’t ever be all right in our house."
If you are interested in more information about restraining orders (in some states, "orders of protection") you can check with your local police or courthouse.
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